i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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