fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
