you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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