Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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