And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
