he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Randomize
