Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
