so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
