some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
