the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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