I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So much rum. So many feels.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
