fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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