I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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