It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
