We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
