you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
