he thought i was a dude.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
