She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize