I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
