dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
