dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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