I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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