My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
