My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
