Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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