So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
