One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
