I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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