I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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