I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
