So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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