Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
