I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
