Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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