i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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