never play flip cup with pint glasses
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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