Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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