I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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