my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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