Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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