Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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