In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
