The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
