she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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