Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
