so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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