How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
did i just pee glitter
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
