Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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