eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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