Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
