just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
