His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
