she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
