I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
