i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
