my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
