dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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