why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
