I'm drive I can fine osifer
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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