So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
