onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We need to get me chipped asap
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
