all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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