How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
