Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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