I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
