She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
