If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
