so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
dude. I can hear the air.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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