So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
