the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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