Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
