Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize