It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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