My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Randomize
