They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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