He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
