No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
