New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
