I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
