Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
