Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
soo... how was my night?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize