Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
