and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
