tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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