I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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