How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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