How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
