She said her name was "party"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
