She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
