i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
