the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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