This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
