Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize