Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
