new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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