i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
